Ik Heet Heather, Ik Kom Uit America!

My first language class went well! I didn't get lost, I didn't miss my bus stop, I found the classroom, and I even made two new friends! I learned a lot, but I'll need to study study study to make sure it really sticks! I was relieved to discover I know a lot more than I realized, but I'm definitely in the right class!

Luna's first day didn't go quite so well. She was excited to arrive there, she took her notebook to her teacher and started to play with the other kids. And then I gave her a kiss and hug, said goodbye, and told her I'd be back later. She went from happy to hysterical in about two seconds. The teacher scooped her up for cuddles as I left, but I could literally hear her screaming from outside the building! And it was the HORRIBLE kind of screaming, she sounded like she was in pain! I cried all the way to the train station, it was horrible.

I called when I got to Leuven, and they told me she had settled down eventually once they gave her LaLa (the stuffed lobster), but that she was having a rough time with lunch as well. She ate next to nothing, and cried during the meal. After lunch was nap time, and when I called after that, they told me she had cried for awhile and then got MAD, but eventually fell asleep and slept for an hour and a half (miracle of miracles, that!).

She apparently woke up happy, and played in the afternoon. She ate three half sandwiches, some pears, and some platte kaas (kinda somewhere between yogurt and sour cream) at snack time, they were amazed, lol. The afternoon was going well, but then she fell and banged her lip. Its all swollen and bloody and bruised, it looks awful! Naturally, she got very upset after that, too. When we picked her up, she was playing with the other kids but still clinging to LaLa. She was so happy to see us, but she wanted to leave IMMEDIATELY, lol. She got very upset with us for taking the time to talk to the teachers.

It's been a long day. I'm glad we have two days at home together before we do this again!

In Which the Author Tells It Like It Is

I always have the best of intentions regarding this blog. I really do. I want to keep all of my friends and family up to date on our happenings, I want you all to know every single amazing thing my little clown does. But sometimes... well sometimes its hard to put a happy face on things when I am not feeling so happy. I don't want this to be about whining, I don't want it to make everyone worry, I want it to be a simple window into our lives without anything too hard to swallow. And sometimes, when things are rough, its nigh on impossible to combine words on a page in a way that sounds like anything but whining. And so I skip it.

So many of you have told me how brave I am for moving so far away and trying to build a life on the other side of the world. I'm not brave. I've done what I had to do for my family. So many of you have told me, "I could never do that!" But if it was what was best for your child and you could come up with no other solution, you would do it to. I am just a mama bear protecting her cub, I am not a world traveller, I am not doing anything deserving of pride... I am not brave. I am frequently terrified, I am frequently miserable, and I am frequently isolated.

There's a flip side, too. I've heard plenty of comments to suggest that this life is no big deal. Life as usual, but on foreign soil. And to those of you who have thought that when I've admitted how much I am struggling, I say, "Walk a mile in my shoes." Living abroad is nothing like I always imagined it. Its not about visiting thousand year old castles on the weekends and expanding my horizons, its about getting used to milk that is shelf stable and trying to read the instructions on a box of frozen veggies when they're not in your language. Its about a million little things I've always taken for granted either not existing or being so completely different here that I am the freak for having expected them. Its about being different, being so exhaustingly different every single minute of the day that all you want in all the world is to just become invisible.

It IS getting easier, as everyone told me it would. One day at a time, one new word at a time, one "aha" moment at a time. But there are still a lot of challenges, and there are many more to come. I wish I could explain in words what it feels like to be me so that you would neither pity or revere me, but simply understand. Most days that is all I need, someone who understands.

We're about to start a new chapter in our lives. Beginning September 6th, I will be in school four days a week, completing my Imburgering classes and a basic level Dutch course. Miss Luna will be in daycare, and for the first time in her life will spend her first day away from us. Yes, these are good things! It will be a relief to finally learn the language, and it will be good for Luna to be around other children and to get a jump start on her Dutch, as well. But these are also extremely stressful things for all of us. Its going to be a rough fall, I suspect.


Luna continues to amaze us, she's got probably 45 words now, most of which are English. She sings and dances like a little Shirley Temple. She has eleven or so teeth, and she loves to clomp around the house wearing our shoes. She has come to love the water, so apparently the swimming lessons were worth it! She recently got a bad haircut... We've revoked our own scissor privileges, and will be taking her to a salon for future cuts. I think that's a lesson every parent has to learn the hard way! This past week she's been eating enough for three babies (frequently more than me!), and sleeping a lot, so I suspect a growth spurt is happening. She looks more and more like a little girl every day!

I apologize for the more intimate nature of this post. I went back and forth on whether or not to even publish this, but in the end I decided that if you're very own blog isn't the place for a meme, where is, exactly?

Over the Ocean and Through the Long Nights

Our trip is over, we are safely back in Belgium and finally, after more than a week, back on our normal schedule. Luna did NOT enjoy the trip home, which was on a nearly full flight. Miraculously, after the first time she had a little break down and started screaming, they managed to find an empty seat for the person sitting next to us so that we could have her seat. It didn't help much. But we had a wonderful flight attendant who loved Luna even though she was cranky, and took her on tours around the plane to quell the tantrums. We made it in one piece and nobody threw their nasty airline food at us, so I guess we can't complain too much.

When we first got back, Luna was constantly wandering the house searching for "Ma" (her shortened version of Gramma) and Beau (Gramma's dog). It was heartbreaking, and so difficult to make her understand that she wouldn't be seeing them in real life again for a long while. She's now stopped searching for Gramma, but is still convinced Beau is around here somewhere. And every single dog we see or even hear in the distance is "Beau! Beau! Beau!" She loves that dog!

Getting Luna back on track with her sleep schedule was unbelievably difficult. After the third night in a row that she awoke at 10 PM and refused to go back to sleep, as Toy Story was playing in our living room at 2 AM, I announced in defeat, "She is never going to sleep again. I've ruined her!" But of course, she did sleep eventually. And after one extremely rough week, she is now pretty much back to her normal schedule.

She's been a papa's girl since we got home; she clearly missed him! He loves it, of course. She's constantly saying "Papa papa papa!" And anytime he is out of her sight she is asking for him.

If I weren't so busy taking care of a crazy toddler who is growing and changing so much every day, I could put up a new blog post about how much she is growing and changing pretty much every day. Where to even start?

She's running around like she was born to run, chanting, "Go go go go go!" She's developed an opinion about anything and everything, and makes sure to voice said opinions loudly, with much shaking of the head. She's got nearly a dozen new words, and has even started using some simple sentences ("Mama? Good!" after a tasty breakfast, and "What's that?" instead of the old standby "That?"). She is no longer afraid of the doll she got for Easter, and carries it around everywhere: holding it to her shoulder and patting its head, pulling off its socks and shoes and then begging me to help put them back on, pushing it around in the little doll stroller we got. The other day I said, "I think that dolly needs to go potty!" So she carried it across the room, opened up the potty, and placed the doll upon it. Ok, it was more like IN it, but she at least got the idea right!

We're nearing the end of breastfeeding I think. I am allowing her to self wean, and she is down to nursing once a day most days. I offer it to her at other times and she just shakes her head and says in her precious little voice, "No." I am sad, but also looking forward to having control of my own body again. My biggest fear was that I would lose my cuddle time with her, but as she has started the weaning process she has simultaneously become more cuddly, which is a relief. I get more snuggles and sloppy baby kisses than ever before, which make the process much easier on me!

It seems like overnight my child went from baby to little girl. I'd be crippled by sadness over that, if it weren't for the fact that this new little girl is SO MUCH FUN! It's so fascinating to watch her run and play and develop her coordination! It's so exciting to give her simple instructions ("Can you put these tissues on the couch for mommy?") and watch her follow them with such pride! She amazes me in so many ways; generally has me cracking up ten or fifteen times a day; and leaves me exhausted beyond belief but with a smile on my face every single evening. She has such a big personality! Look out world, here comes Luna!

We're HERE!!!!!

We made it!! According to the Google Maps Distance calculator, we travelled 4225 miles altogether! The trip took 20 hours, and we were awake for close to 24 hours. During that 24 hour period, Luna slept a total of 20 minutes. Seriously, no exaggeration. But she was AMAZING. Unbelievably well behaved, happy and sociable during the entire trip. She barely fussed the entire time, and made so many friends on the airplane! We were fortunate to have an entire row to ourselves on the long flights (7 and a half hours), so she played on all three seats and stood up to chatter at the people in front and behind. Our second flight was full, but luckily it was only an hour. She was exhausted by then and she was sick of her sippy cup and her snacks, so she had some ear pressure on that flight. But the man next to us was a pro at travelling with kids, and played the "where is your tongue" game to get her to open her mouth big and wide which cleared her ears. So she only fussed a little bit. Once we arrived in Portland, though, she'd had enough. And strapping her into the car seat was pushing it too far, lol. She had a nice meltdown in the car, but at least it was only her grandparents and I that had to listen to it!

She has continued to amaze me since we've gotten here. She has adjusted beautifully to everything, even to all the people! Not only has she been great with all the relatives and friends we've met, but she makes friends everywhere we go! I was worried she'd be terrified of everyone, and here she is a social butterfly. She's getting a bit too used to getting presents everywhere we go, though. Can you believe that all her grandparents and aunts and uncles are spoiling her silly?

Its been making my heart happy to see her playing with everyone and soaking in all that love and attention. I am so happy she is able to have this trip!

Here she is, from top to bottom, with Gramma, Grampa, and Nana. Can't you just see them all glowing??

Its the Final Countdown...

11 more days until my visit home! I am excited and terrified in equal measure. I cannot wait to see everyone, but I am sooooo dreading the trip! Luna is not what you'd call an "easy" baby. We love her dearly, but she is loud, opinionated, and stubborn. She also almost never sleeps anywhere other than her own bed (she occasionally passes out in her stroller for a few minutes at a time, but that's it). I am anticipating much complaining from her during the 20+ hours we'll be traveling. I feel sorry for the other passengers! And I'll have to manage a cranky child and all of our luggage alone! I just keep repeating my mantra: It will all be worth it. It will all be worth it!!!

We had a very nice Easter. Luna had her first ever Easter egg hunt! I filled some plastic eggs with rice and glued them shut to make shakers. She "hunted" the first three or four, but after that she just wanted to play with them so we had to help. She got a number of little gifts from the Easter bunny (and gramma!), including some crayons and markers and her very first doll! The crayons and markers were a hit, I now have baby artwork to hang on the wall! The doll, on the other hand, was not a success: she was afraid of it! She's just now, four days later, starting to interact with it a tiny bit. We had a nice dinner, with what we thought was a pork roast (it looked like one, and that's what the package said), but ended up tasting more like ham. It was delicious nonetheless!

We've had amazing weather the past two weeks - its been sun shiney and 80+ degrees every day! Today is gray and we've had a couple rain showers, but that's the first time in two weeks. It seems like weather comes in chunks here, its slow to change. Which is awesome when its GOOD weather, but when its rainy or snowing for 2 or 3 weeks straight its miserable! It will be weird to go from wearing shorts and sundresses back to long sleeves and pants when we get to Maine!

Luna is doing well. She continues to boycott walking for some reason. Or I should say "walking unassisted." Because she walks everywhere, holding onto either furniture, toys, or us. She literally will walk around dragging her walking toy behind her! Its more of a hindrance than a help but she doesn't dare let go! She has added a new word to her growing repertoire - "cheese." Like her "word" for cookie, which is a very distinct growly "k" sound, this is more Luna speak than English or Dutch, but its consistent, so I guess it counts as a word. Its basically the last part of the word "cheese," the zzzzzzeeeee sound. She also consistently says "Nana" when she sees my step-mom on Skype or in the photo album. She's started saying her own name again, too, and even manages the "L" sound sometimes! But she'll always be "Una" to me! :P


And last but not least, we have a new member of the family: a stuffed lobster. I found it at the Blokker here in town for 6 euro, and it reminded me of home, so I bought it. I never expected it to become her new best friend! LaLa the Lobster (the name was chosen by Luna, who was into "L" sounds that day!) goes everywhere with her. I have to battle her to keep it out of the bath and I have to prop her on the table so she's visible during mealtimes! Unfortunately, it was the only one they had, so I can't get a backup in case LaLa has an accident! I've already sewed up a hole under her eye! So keep your eyes open for a large stuffed lobster, we're in need of a backup! I find it very amusing that we'll be travelling 3000 miles to Maine and bringing our OWN lobster!

Now Entering the Toddler Years!

Its official, Luna is one! I cannot believe my baby has grown so fast! I hear other parents say that all the time, but it is so frighteningly true! It was a very emotional week for me. And lots of work!

Luna had a great time I think! She had a trip to the zoo early in the week, and she was SUCH a good girl!! An entire day without naps and she was so well behaved! She looked at the animals and enjoyed the petting zoo part.
On the big day she had a party with her papa, her Oma, and myself. I decorated and spent ages on the train cake. I worked so hard on it, only to have all the icing and candies melt overnight. Grrr! But if you don't look to closely it still looks ok! Gramma, Grampa, Nana, Auntie M, and Uncle T all visited with her via Skype on her birthday. She had a great time squishing her cake around and even ate quite a bit of it!

Presents were a biiiiiig hit! She loved everything, and is still playing with it all! Her old toys are collecting dust! Her big gift was a snazzy tricycle that will grow with her. Right now we can push her on it, while she is securely buckled in and safe. But as she grows, it goes through various stages and will become a regular tricycle. She also got a number of musical instruments, including a little drum that she's gotten really good at! She got clothes and books and two types of blocks; a lovely snow globe that plays lullabies; a play tent and Sophie the Giraffe. She was a very lucky girl!Luna hasn't been walking anymore. I read that its not uncommon for them to regress a bit, but its still disappointing! But she'll get back to it when she's ready.

Unfortunately, in the last few days, Luna's cold has come back with a vengeance. We all got this cold the first time around, and now its taking a second trip around! We took her to the doctor this morning and she has bronchitis. :( She has to have breathing treatments three times a day, and if she still is running a fever by Wednesday we have to start antibiotics. I am sick as well, and it is quickly becoming pretty awful. Not much fun around here these days!

Thank you to all for the birthday wishes, I think she had a pretty wonderful first birthday!

Stepping Out With My Baby

I'd intended to blog last night and didn't get to it. But it turns out I'm glad I waited, because we had big happenings around here today! Miss Luna took her first steps! It was a grand total of maybe 2 steps, and she hasn't done it again yet, but it was a BIG deal! Mama jumped up and down and cried. It was hysterical because Luna cheers for herself every time she stands without holding onto anything, but she doesn't even seem to have realized she took a couple of steps! She was holding onto a chair and she turned and took two steps to G's arms!

Coincidentally, we'd intended to go buy her first pair of "real" shoes today, so that turned out to be timely. As soon as they were strapped on she stood up unassisted for longer than she ever has before (that's the picture). She spent 10 minutes admiring herself and her new shoes in the shop mirror, and once we got her strapped into the stroller she kept sticking her leg out and turning her feet this way and that to inspect them. Every time we walked past someone she stuck her foot out as if to say, "Hey lady, check out my new walking shoes!" We promptly headed to the park, where we got them dirty right away (I can't believe we got WHITE ones!), and then she held our hands and walked around and around the platform while we were waiting for our train.

Other firsts since my last post include her first cold, which is still refusing to go away; the first time we put her hair in pigtails; and her first toddler tantrum. She also got two more teeth - her top two front teeth have finally broken through.

We've all had this nasty cold, G seems to have brought it home from work. He was sick a few days, then I got it, and a few days later Luna got it. Her's has been mainly just stuffiness and runny nose, some crankiness. She does NOT like to have her nose suctioned out with the bulb! In fact, that was what led to her first tantrum...

It was a DOOZY! Wow. I had no idea! I had to put her on my lap and restrain her with a big bear hug while rocking her and singing my own variation of the Little Birdie song over and over and over. After a few minutes she started hiccuping to catch her breath and a few minutes after that she got very very still and I realized she'd fallen asleep on my lap. I was so exhausted I needed a nap myself! I hate to say it, but with a little one that is as strong-willed and dramatic as this one is, I think that was probably the first of many. Yikes!

I don't know if I've mentioned it lately, but I am still breastfeeding! Its been a struggle to maintain supply, but I pump to keep it up. I am very proud of making it this far! I'd intended to stop pumping on her birthday and let her wean when she was ready, but I've decided to keep it up until after we return from our visit to the states, because I think it will provide her with comfort during what is sure to be a stressful time for her.

One week from today my little girl will be one year old! Its astonishing how quickly the time flies. I am sad to be losing my baby, but I am so very excited to have a little girl! We're planning a trip to the zoo this week to celebrate her birthday, and on the actual day there will OF COURSE be cake! I am looking forward to watching her eat the cake!