Is it Spring Yet??

I had become cautiously optimistic that winter, aka SICK season, was nearly past. Luna was healthy (well, except for the black eye she got by introducing herself to the coffee table) for nearly a month! I thought perhaps the worst was behind us. But alas, she's got a doozy of a double ear infection. High fever, no appetite, unable to sleep... On top of that, she is cutting at least three teeth right now. So my little miss is quite unhappy! Here's hoping the antibiotics we got yesterday straighten her out quickly.

I seem to be sick a lot myself of late. Stress, I presume. I'm currently fighting a cold that I suspect may have turned into yet another sinus infection/ear infection. My third in 6 months. I've lost some weight, too. Undeservedly, I mean. I started some vitamins this week, hopefully they will help.

As if to underline the point that winter is NOT yet over, we got our first serious snowfall of the year yesterday. Only about an inch, but its the first accumulation we've had. Luna has been fascinated by the glorious whiteness of it, and has repeatedly dragged me over to the windows to see the "Snow! Snow! Snow!" Hopefully we can get feeling well enough to go out and play in it before its gone.

I guess we'll just cuddle up and wait for spring!

Ik Heb Heimwee!

I took it upon myself to learn the words in the title several weeks ago. Consider it my very own extra credit assignment. It means, "I am homesick."

Yup, this entire blog post is going to be about how much I want to go home. Don't worry, I'll keep it brief. You can skim if you want, just read it like this, "me me me me memememememememe."

Two years ago today, I boarded a plane for Belgium, 8 months worth of baby belly leading the way. By the time I arrived, it was the 21st of January. I was wildly unprepared for what was to come. I thought I could handle it, after all, I wasn't one of those folks who has never left home. I'd lived all over the U.S. with only mild pangs of homesickness. Let me tell you right now: I was NOT prepared to live abroad. Culture shock is not something to take lightly. It does not go away in a few days, a few weeks, a few months. It amplifies all of those normal "missing home" feelings until they fill up your entire consciousness. Simply put, I miss my people, all my people. From the wonderful friends and family whose absence feels like a wound that never heals to the lady that used to bag my groceries and the kid who delivered the newspaper. I miss feeling at home somewhere.

To all the people who've told me it will get easier, I have a simple question... When?

This isn't an anniversary I will be celebrating, although I'm thinking a bottle of wine to drown my sorrows sounds like a half decent idea.

Onward to 2012

And just like that, the holidays are upon us. In a few short months, my baby girl will be 2! How is it possible for time to fly so quickly??

I wish I could report that I've been busy with fun and wonderful things, but alas, I've been busy with stressful and miserable things. Miss Luna has gotten sicker and sicker as the winter wears on, and has had approximately 462 ear infections (give or take), 378 bouts of bronchitis (give or take), two bouts of croup, and one bout of pneumonia that landed her in the hospital for five days just after Thanksgiving. To add a little spice to the mix, she's also had two eye infections, several cases of stomach flu, and a couple of rashes. She spent a grand total of TWO days in daycare during the month of November. And I believe she managed exactly one day in December. Every time she goes back for even ONE day, she is sick the day after with something severe enough that she has to be kept home for a week or three. While at home she gets healthy again, and we send her back in good health, only to have her get sick again the second she returns. Its utter madness. For the first couple of months everyone was telling me, "Oh, my kids went through that too, it sucks but she'll get better fast." Now everyone is saying, "Is there something wrong with that daycare? Could she have an immune disorder? What does the doctor say???" I liked it better when everyone was assuring me it was normal!

For the record, her doctor says she is having a normal, albeit dramatic, adjustment to the world of germs. She said, "Some kids get exposed to everything and just get the sniffles. Other kids get exposed to everything and get the worst possible case of it. Luna, unfortunately, falls into the latter category!" While she was hospitalized, the pediatrician took some blood, and she assures us that she could see antibodies forming just as they should when she examined it under the microscope. She's altered her initial pronouncement, which was that Luna would be over this by spring, and is now saying she'll probably have it rough both this winter and next. She's started Luna on a twice daily corticosteroid steroid inhaler. Its a very low dosage, and it is intended to serve as a preventative measure. She told us it would take about a month before it helps at all, but the hope is that it will eventually keep every cold from turning into croup or bronchitis or pneumonia. Wouldn't that be nice?? Luna tolerates it well, she has a fancy little gadget with a mask that goes over her nose and mouth, and the whole process takes about 30 seconds. The nebulizer treatments she gets for bronchitis take 15 minutes, so the inhaler is nothing!

I don't want you all to worry though, truly. She is sick OFTEN, and in typical child fashion, she has adjusted. She's a pro at medicines, she plays with her nebulizer mask on! She is a happy happy girl who dances when her fever is 103. We're just grateful she doesn't have anything truly awful. It could be so much worse!

Our Sinterklaas and Christmas were nice. Miss Luna was spoiled, surprise surprise! She's in love with her toy kitchen and her kid sized easel, and she insisted on bringing her stuffed BoBo toy to bed with her tonight. She was so much fun this year, she absolutely loved the tree, the presents, the cookies for Santa...

Luna is weighing in between 12 and 12.5 kg (26.5 to 27.5 lb.) these days, and is about 86 cm (almost 34 inches) tall. I think she has most of her teeth at this point. She's talking in sentences more and more often, and her Dutch vocabulary is expanding quickly. She just graduated from her high chair to a booster seat, she drinks out of a regular cup and eats the same thing as us for dinner. She loves to sing and dance, and her favorite things to do right now are color and "cook." She's very friendly, and especially loves other babies!

I finished my integration class in mid-November, and I am just about done with level 1.1 of Dutch, as well. I took my exams before the Christmas break, and will get my results on the 13th of January at our last class. I've done very well so far, and I am anticipating good results. I still have a lot to learn, and that is why I will start level 1.2 on January 17th. However, I've learned enough to make my day to day life a lot easier. I can carry on simple conversations and order things at the market. I can read a lot of the signs I see and interpret most of the food labels at the grocery store. Although I'd love to get top results on my exams because I am a crazy perfectionist, in reality, the real reward is the lifting of the isolation imposed by not speaking the language. I feel like I can see for the first time in two years, which is amazing. As for how I am doing in general, well, I'll just leave you with this Dutch phrase I learned recently: Ik heb heimwee.

Happy Holidays to all of you from our family, and best wishes in 2012!

Sick of the Sick!

As I write this at 10:30 PM, Miss Boo is asleep next to me on the couch, and cartoons stream endlessly from the television as they have all day long. I've been trying so desperately to get her to drink some fluids that I even offered her mama's water bottle, normally off limits. I so wanted her to eat I even offered her cookies for dinner. Is there anything worse than watching your child suffer? No rule goes unbroken when they are this miserable. She hasn't slept for more than 20 or 30 minutes at a shot (usually less) for more than 24 hours now. She has a fever that drops when she gets medicine and then immediately starts creeping back up. She has spent her day laying on me and crying crying crying. She's coughing so hard that she made herself vomit a little while ago, leading to a quick spin in the washer for blankie (and a brief sojourn in front of the fan to dry!). If only I could take her misery upon myself! We spoke to the on call pediatrician, and she wasn't too concerned, so we're trying to wait until Monday to see a doctor. But this is definitely the sickest she has ever been and its awful.

This is only the latest illness. She started daycare 5 weeks ago, and literally the day after she started she was sick. Its been ear infections and bronchitis and colds and flu and constipation and diarrhea and more colds... I don't think she has been healthy a single day since she started. Our pediatrician said we can expect her to be sick at least every three weeks all winter long, but that she should be starting to build up immunities by spring. We knew this was going to happen, but WOW. I just want my healthy girl back!

Other than the never-ending illnesses, Luna is adjusting well to daycare. She no longer cries when we drop her off and she seems to like the teachers. She has lots of little friends, and she's done lots of fun new activities! My classes are going well. The integration class is so boring I frequently want to scream, but my language class is great. I'm doing very well in class, and learning lots! Between the early mornings and the sick baby, I haven't been getting a hell of a lot of sleep, but what can you do. I am looking forward to the integration class ending in mid-November so that I can focus entirely on my language class and maybe get a little bit more sleep!

I'd intended to write more, but Luna is awake again, so I'll sign off. Hope you are all doing well!

Its a Small, Small World

I'm enjoying my language class. While its very satisfying to finally learn some Dutch, I'm mostly enjoying meeting people. If you ever want to have an experience that will have you humming the tune to Its a Small World, take a language class in a foreign country. Its amazing to be on equal footing with people from Poland, Russia, Morocco, the Congo, Armenia, the Philippines, India.... We have a hell of a time pronouncing one another's names, but there is something comforting in the fact that it is just as difficult for that guy from Nepal to pronounce the "oo" sound as it is for me!

Today before class, I had an actual honest to goodness conversation in Dutch with a woman I met in the lobby. She was from Russia, and she was looking for help with her French homework. I told her I was in the Level 1 Nederlands class, and she forgave my lack of insight into French verbs and we chatted for a good ten minutes until both my Dutch and her English had been exhausted. It was more satisfying than a gold star from the teacher. After all, my pronunciation may not be perfect, but I had an actual real life conversation and I was understood! Hallelujah!

During the break from class today, I was chatting with some female classmates in a blend of Dutch and English. A new friend, a young woman from the Phillippines, suddenly looked around our small group and said, "This is amazing. We have the Philippines, Poland, Russia, and America right here in this circle!" After class I met two other classmates at the bus stop, and we chatted our way through the bus trip. I spoke a blend of English and Dutch, another woman spoke a blend of French, Dutch, and Arabic, and the third had the unenviable role of translating between the English and the Arabic. All of these nationalities and all of these languages in such a small place is truly amazing, but what is most interesting is WHAT we choose to talk about. We've all travelled far and wide to arrive here at this place at this time... and we talk mostly about our children and our families. No matter what the word is in your native tongue - mother, moeder, matka, ina.... a mama is a mama is a mama.

Ik Heet Heather, Ik Kom Uit America!

My first language class went well! I didn't get lost, I didn't miss my bus stop, I found the classroom, and I even made two new friends! I learned a lot, but I'll need to study study study to make sure it really sticks! I was relieved to discover I know a lot more than I realized, but I'm definitely in the right class!

Luna's first day didn't go quite so well. She was excited to arrive there, she took her notebook to her teacher and started to play with the other kids. And then I gave her a kiss and hug, said goodbye, and told her I'd be back later. She went from happy to hysterical in about two seconds. The teacher scooped her up for cuddles as I left, but I could literally hear her screaming from outside the building! And it was the HORRIBLE kind of screaming, she sounded like she was in pain! I cried all the way to the train station, it was horrible.

I called when I got to Leuven, and they told me she had settled down eventually once they gave her LaLa (the stuffed lobster), but that she was having a rough time with lunch as well. She ate next to nothing, and cried during the meal. After lunch was nap time, and when I called after that, they told me she had cried for awhile and then got MAD, but eventually fell asleep and slept for an hour and a half (miracle of miracles, that!).

She apparently woke up happy, and played in the afternoon. She ate three half sandwiches, some pears, and some platte kaas (kinda somewhere between yogurt and sour cream) at snack time, they were amazed, lol. The afternoon was going well, but then she fell and banged her lip. Its all swollen and bloody and bruised, it looks awful! Naturally, she got very upset after that, too. When we picked her up, she was playing with the other kids but still clinging to LaLa. She was so happy to see us, but she wanted to leave IMMEDIATELY, lol. She got very upset with us for taking the time to talk to the teachers.

It's been a long day. I'm glad we have two days at home together before we do this again!

In Which the Author Tells It Like It Is

I always have the best of intentions regarding this blog. I really do. I want to keep all of my friends and family up to date on our happenings, I want you all to know every single amazing thing my little clown does. But sometimes... well sometimes its hard to put a happy face on things when I am not feeling so happy. I don't want this to be about whining, I don't want it to make everyone worry, I want it to be a simple window into our lives without anything too hard to swallow. And sometimes, when things are rough, its nigh on impossible to combine words on a page in a way that sounds like anything but whining. And so I skip it.

So many of you have told me how brave I am for moving so far away and trying to build a life on the other side of the world. I'm not brave. I've done what I had to do for my family. So many of you have told me, "I could never do that!" But if it was what was best for your child and you could come up with no other solution, you would do it to. I am just a mama bear protecting her cub, I am not a world traveller, I am not doing anything deserving of pride... I am not brave. I am frequently terrified, I am frequently miserable, and I am frequently isolated.

There's a flip side, too. I've heard plenty of comments to suggest that this life is no big deal. Life as usual, but on foreign soil. And to those of you who have thought that when I've admitted how much I am struggling, I say, "Walk a mile in my shoes." Living abroad is nothing like I always imagined it. Its not about visiting thousand year old castles on the weekends and expanding my horizons, its about getting used to milk that is shelf stable and trying to read the instructions on a box of frozen veggies when they're not in your language. Its about a million little things I've always taken for granted either not existing or being so completely different here that I am the freak for having expected them. Its about being different, being so exhaustingly different every single minute of the day that all you want in all the world is to just become invisible.

It IS getting easier, as everyone told me it would. One day at a time, one new word at a time, one "aha" moment at a time. But there are still a lot of challenges, and there are many more to come. I wish I could explain in words what it feels like to be me so that you would neither pity or revere me, but simply understand. Most days that is all I need, someone who understands.

We're about to start a new chapter in our lives. Beginning September 6th, I will be in school four days a week, completing my Imburgering classes and a basic level Dutch course. Miss Luna will be in daycare, and for the first time in her life will spend her first day away from us. Yes, these are good things! It will be a relief to finally learn the language, and it will be good for Luna to be around other children and to get a jump start on her Dutch, as well. But these are also extremely stressful things for all of us. Its going to be a rough fall, I suspect.


Luna continues to amaze us, she's got probably 45 words now, most of which are English. She sings and dances like a little Shirley Temple. She has eleven or so teeth, and she loves to clomp around the house wearing our shoes. She has come to love the water, so apparently the swimming lessons were worth it! She recently got a bad haircut... We've revoked our own scissor privileges, and will be taking her to a salon for future cuts. I think that's a lesson every parent has to learn the hard way! This past week she's been eating enough for three babies (frequently more than me!), and sleeping a lot, so I suspect a growth spurt is happening. She looks more and more like a little girl every day!

I apologize for the more intimate nature of this post. I went back and forth on whether or not to even publish this, but in the end I decided that if you're very own blog isn't the place for a meme, where is, exactly?