Onward to 2012

And just like that, the holidays are upon us. In a few short months, my baby girl will be 2! How is it possible for time to fly so quickly??

I wish I could report that I've been busy with fun and wonderful things, but alas, I've been busy with stressful and miserable things. Miss Luna has gotten sicker and sicker as the winter wears on, and has had approximately 462 ear infections (give or take), 378 bouts of bronchitis (give or take), two bouts of croup, and one bout of pneumonia that landed her in the hospital for five days just after Thanksgiving. To add a little spice to the mix, she's also had two eye infections, several cases of stomach flu, and a couple of rashes. She spent a grand total of TWO days in daycare during the month of November. And I believe she managed exactly one day in December. Every time she goes back for even ONE day, she is sick the day after with something severe enough that she has to be kept home for a week or three. While at home she gets healthy again, and we send her back in good health, only to have her get sick again the second she returns. Its utter madness. For the first couple of months everyone was telling me, "Oh, my kids went through that too, it sucks but she'll get better fast." Now everyone is saying, "Is there something wrong with that daycare? Could she have an immune disorder? What does the doctor say???" I liked it better when everyone was assuring me it was normal!

For the record, her doctor says she is having a normal, albeit dramatic, adjustment to the world of germs. She said, "Some kids get exposed to everything and just get the sniffles. Other kids get exposed to everything and get the worst possible case of it. Luna, unfortunately, falls into the latter category!" While she was hospitalized, the pediatrician took some blood, and she assures us that she could see antibodies forming just as they should when she examined it under the microscope. She's altered her initial pronouncement, which was that Luna would be over this by spring, and is now saying she'll probably have it rough both this winter and next. She's started Luna on a twice daily corticosteroid steroid inhaler. Its a very low dosage, and it is intended to serve as a preventative measure. She told us it would take about a month before it helps at all, but the hope is that it will eventually keep every cold from turning into croup or bronchitis or pneumonia. Wouldn't that be nice?? Luna tolerates it well, she has a fancy little gadget with a mask that goes over her nose and mouth, and the whole process takes about 30 seconds. The nebulizer treatments she gets for bronchitis take 15 minutes, so the inhaler is nothing!

I don't want you all to worry though, truly. She is sick OFTEN, and in typical child fashion, she has adjusted. She's a pro at medicines, she plays with her nebulizer mask on! She is a happy happy girl who dances when her fever is 103. We're just grateful she doesn't have anything truly awful. It could be so much worse!

Our Sinterklaas and Christmas were nice. Miss Luna was spoiled, surprise surprise! She's in love with her toy kitchen and her kid sized easel, and she insisted on bringing her stuffed BoBo toy to bed with her tonight. She was so much fun this year, she absolutely loved the tree, the presents, the cookies for Santa...

Luna is weighing in between 12 and 12.5 kg (26.5 to 27.5 lb.) these days, and is about 86 cm (almost 34 inches) tall. I think she has most of her teeth at this point. She's talking in sentences more and more often, and her Dutch vocabulary is expanding quickly. She just graduated from her high chair to a booster seat, she drinks out of a regular cup and eats the same thing as us for dinner. She loves to sing and dance, and her favorite things to do right now are color and "cook." She's very friendly, and especially loves other babies!

I finished my integration class in mid-November, and I am just about done with level 1.1 of Dutch, as well. I took my exams before the Christmas break, and will get my results on the 13th of January at our last class. I've done very well so far, and I am anticipating good results. I still have a lot to learn, and that is why I will start level 1.2 on January 17th. However, I've learned enough to make my day to day life a lot easier. I can carry on simple conversations and order things at the market. I can read a lot of the signs I see and interpret most of the food labels at the grocery store. Although I'd love to get top results on my exams because I am a crazy perfectionist, in reality, the real reward is the lifting of the isolation imposed by not speaking the language. I feel like I can see for the first time in two years, which is amazing. As for how I am doing in general, well, I'll just leave you with this Dutch phrase I learned recently: Ik heb heimwee.

Happy Holidays to all of you from our family, and best wishes in 2012!

Sick of the Sick!

As I write this at 10:30 PM, Miss Boo is asleep next to me on the couch, and cartoons stream endlessly from the television as they have all day long. I've been trying so desperately to get her to drink some fluids that I even offered her mama's water bottle, normally off limits. I so wanted her to eat I even offered her cookies for dinner. Is there anything worse than watching your child suffer? No rule goes unbroken when they are this miserable. She hasn't slept for more than 20 or 30 minutes at a shot (usually less) for more than 24 hours now. She has a fever that drops when she gets medicine and then immediately starts creeping back up. She has spent her day laying on me and crying crying crying. She's coughing so hard that she made herself vomit a little while ago, leading to a quick spin in the washer for blankie (and a brief sojourn in front of the fan to dry!). If only I could take her misery upon myself! We spoke to the on call pediatrician, and she wasn't too concerned, so we're trying to wait until Monday to see a doctor. But this is definitely the sickest she has ever been and its awful.

This is only the latest illness. She started daycare 5 weeks ago, and literally the day after she started she was sick. Its been ear infections and bronchitis and colds and flu and constipation and diarrhea and more colds... I don't think she has been healthy a single day since she started. Our pediatrician said we can expect her to be sick at least every three weeks all winter long, but that she should be starting to build up immunities by spring. We knew this was going to happen, but WOW. I just want my healthy girl back!

Other than the never-ending illnesses, Luna is adjusting well to daycare. She no longer cries when we drop her off and she seems to like the teachers. She has lots of little friends, and she's done lots of fun new activities! My classes are going well. The integration class is so boring I frequently want to scream, but my language class is great. I'm doing very well in class, and learning lots! Between the early mornings and the sick baby, I haven't been getting a hell of a lot of sleep, but what can you do. I am looking forward to the integration class ending in mid-November so that I can focus entirely on my language class and maybe get a little bit more sleep!

I'd intended to write more, but Luna is awake again, so I'll sign off. Hope you are all doing well!

Its a Small, Small World

I'm enjoying my language class. While its very satisfying to finally learn some Dutch, I'm mostly enjoying meeting people. If you ever want to have an experience that will have you humming the tune to Its a Small World, take a language class in a foreign country. Its amazing to be on equal footing with people from Poland, Russia, Morocco, the Congo, Armenia, the Philippines, India.... We have a hell of a time pronouncing one another's names, but there is something comforting in the fact that it is just as difficult for that guy from Nepal to pronounce the "oo" sound as it is for me!

Today before class, I had an actual honest to goodness conversation in Dutch with a woman I met in the lobby. She was from Russia, and she was looking for help with her French homework. I told her I was in the Level 1 Nederlands class, and she forgave my lack of insight into French verbs and we chatted for a good ten minutes until both my Dutch and her English had been exhausted. It was more satisfying than a gold star from the teacher. After all, my pronunciation may not be perfect, but I had an actual real life conversation and I was understood! Hallelujah!

During the break from class today, I was chatting with some female classmates in a blend of Dutch and English. A new friend, a young woman from the Phillippines, suddenly looked around our small group and said, "This is amazing. We have the Philippines, Poland, Russia, and America right here in this circle!" After class I met two other classmates at the bus stop, and we chatted our way through the bus trip. I spoke a blend of English and Dutch, another woman spoke a blend of French, Dutch, and Arabic, and the third had the unenviable role of translating between the English and the Arabic. All of these nationalities and all of these languages in such a small place is truly amazing, but what is most interesting is WHAT we choose to talk about. We've all travelled far and wide to arrive here at this place at this time... and we talk mostly about our children and our families. No matter what the word is in your native tongue - mother, moeder, matka, ina.... a mama is a mama is a mama.

Ik Heet Heather, Ik Kom Uit America!

My first language class went well! I didn't get lost, I didn't miss my bus stop, I found the classroom, and I even made two new friends! I learned a lot, but I'll need to study study study to make sure it really sticks! I was relieved to discover I know a lot more than I realized, but I'm definitely in the right class!

Luna's first day didn't go quite so well. She was excited to arrive there, she took her notebook to her teacher and started to play with the other kids. And then I gave her a kiss and hug, said goodbye, and told her I'd be back later. She went from happy to hysterical in about two seconds. The teacher scooped her up for cuddles as I left, but I could literally hear her screaming from outside the building! And it was the HORRIBLE kind of screaming, she sounded like she was in pain! I cried all the way to the train station, it was horrible.

I called when I got to Leuven, and they told me she had settled down eventually once they gave her LaLa (the stuffed lobster), but that she was having a rough time with lunch as well. She ate next to nothing, and cried during the meal. After lunch was nap time, and when I called after that, they told me she had cried for awhile and then got MAD, but eventually fell asleep and slept for an hour and a half (miracle of miracles, that!).

She apparently woke up happy, and played in the afternoon. She ate three half sandwiches, some pears, and some platte kaas (kinda somewhere between yogurt and sour cream) at snack time, they were amazed, lol. The afternoon was going well, but then she fell and banged her lip. Its all swollen and bloody and bruised, it looks awful! Naturally, she got very upset after that, too. When we picked her up, she was playing with the other kids but still clinging to LaLa. She was so happy to see us, but she wanted to leave IMMEDIATELY, lol. She got very upset with us for taking the time to talk to the teachers.

It's been a long day. I'm glad we have two days at home together before we do this again!

In Which the Author Tells It Like It Is

I always have the best of intentions regarding this blog. I really do. I want to keep all of my friends and family up to date on our happenings, I want you all to know every single amazing thing my little clown does. But sometimes... well sometimes its hard to put a happy face on things when I am not feeling so happy. I don't want this to be about whining, I don't want it to make everyone worry, I want it to be a simple window into our lives without anything too hard to swallow. And sometimes, when things are rough, its nigh on impossible to combine words on a page in a way that sounds like anything but whining. And so I skip it.

So many of you have told me how brave I am for moving so far away and trying to build a life on the other side of the world. I'm not brave. I've done what I had to do for my family. So many of you have told me, "I could never do that!" But if it was what was best for your child and you could come up with no other solution, you would do it to. I am just a mama bear protecting her cub, I am not a world traveller, I am not doing anything deserving of pride... I am not brave. I am frequently terrified, I am frequently miserable, and I am frequently isolated.

There's a flip side, too. I've heard plenty of comments to suggest that this life is no big deal. Life as usual, but on foreign soil. And to those of you who have thought that when I've admitted how much I am struggling, I say, "Walk a mile in my shoes." Living abroad is nothing like I always imagined it. Its not about visiting thousand year old castles on the weekends and expanding my horizons, its about getting used to milk that is shelf stable and trying to read the instructions on a box of frozen veggies when they're not in your language. Its about a million little things I've always taken for granted either not existing or being so completely different here that I am the freak for having expected them. Its about being different, being so exhaustingly different every single minute of the day that all you want in all the world is to just become invisible.

It IS getting easier, as everyone told me it would. One day at a time, one new word at a time, one "aha" moment at a time. But there are still a lot of challenges, and there are many more to come. I wish I could explain in words what it feels like to be me so that you would neither pity or revere me, but simply understand. Most days that is all I need, someone who understands.

We're about to start a new chapter in our lives. Beginning September 6th, I will be in school four days a week, completing my Imburgering classes and a basic level Dutch course. Miss Luna will be in daycare, and for the first time in her life will spend her first day away from us. Yes, these are good things! It will be a relief to finally learn the language, and it will be good for Luna to be around other children and to get a jump start on her Dutch, as well. But these are also extremely stressful things for all of us. Its going to be a rough fall, I suspect.


Luna continues to amaze us, she's got probably 45 words now, most of which are English. She sings and dances like a little Shirley Temple. She has eleven or so teeth, and she loves to clomp around the house wearing our shoes. She has come to love the water, so apparently the swimming lessons were worth it! She recently got a bad haircut... We've revoked our own scissor privileges, and will be taking her to a salon for future cuts. I think that's a lesson every parent has to learn the hard way! This past week she's been eating enough for three babies (frequently more than me!), and sleeping a lot, so I suspect a growth spurt is happening. She looks more and more like a little girl every day!

I apologize for the more intimate nature of this post. I went back and forth on whether or not to even publish this, but in the end I decided that if you're very own blog isn't the place for a meme, where is, exactly?

Over the Ocean and Through the Long Nights

Our trip is over, we are safely back in Belgium and finally, after more than a week, back on our normal schedule. Luna did NOT enjoy the trip home, which was on a nearly full flight. Miraculously, after the first time she had a little break down and started screaming, they managed to find an empty seat for the person sitting next to us so that we could have her seat. It didn't help much. But we had a wonderful flight attendant who loved Luna even though she was cranky, and took her on tours around the plane to quell the tantrums. We made it in one piece and nobody threw their nasty airline food at us, so I guess we can't complain too much.

When we first got back, Luna was constantly wandering the house searching for "Ma" (her shortened version of Gramma) and Beau (Gramma's dog). It was heartbreaking, and so difficult to make her understand that she wouldn't be seeing them in real life again for a long while. She's now stopped searching for Gramma, but is still convinced Beau is around here somewhere. And every single dog we see or even hear in the distance is "Beau! Beau! Beau!" She loves that dog!

Getting Luna back on track with her sleep schedule was unbelievably difficult. After the third night in a row that she awoke at 10 PM and refused to go back to sleep, as Toy Story was playing in our living room at 2 AM, I announced in defeat, "She is never going to sleep again. I've ruined her!" But of course, she did sleep eventually. And after one extremely rough week, she is now pretty much back to her normal schedule.

She's been a papa's girl since we got home; she clearly missed him! He loves it, of course. She's constantly saying "Papa papa papa!" And anytime he is out of her sight she is asking for him.

If I weren't so busy taking care of a crazy toddler who is growing and changing so much every day, I could put up a new blog post about how much she is growing and changing pretty much every day. Where to even start?

She's running around like she was born to run, chanting, "Go go go go go!" She's developed an opinion about anything and everything, and makes sure to voice said opinions loudly, with much shaking of the head. She's got nearly a dozen new words, and has even started using some simple sentences ("Mama? Good!" after a tasty breakfast, and "What's that?" instead of the old standby "That?"). She is no longer afraid of the doll she got for Easter, and carries it around everywhere: holding it to her shoulder and patting its head, pulling off its socks and shoes and then begging me to help put them back on, pushing it around in the little doll stroller we got. The other day I said, "I think that dolly needs to go potty!" So she carried it across the room, opened up the potty, and placed the doll upon it. Ok, it was more like IN it, but she at least got the idea right!

We're nearing the end of breastfeeding I think. I am allowing her to self wean, and she is down to nursing once a day most days. I offer it to her at other times and she just shakes her head and says in her precious little voice, "No." I am sad, but also looking forward to having control of my own body again. My biggest fear was that I would lose my cuddle time with her, but as she has started the weaning process she has simultaneously become more cuddly, which is a relief. I get more snuggles and sloppy baby kisses than ever before, which make the process much easier on me!

It seems like overnight my child went from baby to little girl. I'd be crippled by sadness over that, if it weren't for the fact that this new little girl is SO MUCH FUN! It's so fascinating to watch her run and play and develop her coordination! It's so exciting to give her simple instructions ("Can you put these tissues on the couch for mommy?") and watch her follow them with such pride! She amazes me in so many ways; generally has me cracking up ten or fifteen times a day; and leaves me exhausted beyond belief but with a smile on my face every single evening. She has such a big personality! Look out world, here comes Luna!

We're HERE!!!!!

We made it!! According to the Google Maps Distance calculator, we travelled 4225 miles altogether! The trip took 20 hours, and we were awake for close to 24 hours. During that 24 hour period, Luna slept a total of 20 minutes. Seriously, no exaggeration. But she was AMAZING. Unbelievably well behaved, happy and sociable during the entire trip. She barely fussed the entire time, and made so many friends on the airplane! We were fortunate to have an entire row to ourselves on the long flights (7 and a half hours), so she played on all three seats and stood up to chatter at the people in front and behind. Our second flight was full, but luckily it was only an hour. She was exhausted by then and she was sick of her sippy cup and her snacks, so she had some ear pressure on that flight. But the man next to us was a pro at travelling with kids, and played the "where is your tongue" game to get her to open her mouth big and wide which cleared her ears. So she only fussed a little bit. Once we arrived in Portland, though, she'd had enough. And strapping her into the car seat was pushing it too far, lol. She had a nice meltdown in the car, but at least it was only her grandparents and I that had to listen to it!

She has continued to amaze me since we've gotten here. She has adjusted beautifully to everything, even to all the people! Not only has she been great with all the relatives and friends we've met, but she makes friends everywhere we go! I was worried she'd be terrified of everyone, and here she is a social butterfly. She's getting a bit too used to getting presents everywhere we go, though. Can you believe that all her grandparents and aunts and uncles are spoiling her silly?

Its been making my heart happy to see her playing with everyone and soaking in all that love and attention. I am so happy she is able to have this trip!

Here she is, from top to bottom, with Gramma, Grampa, and Nana. Can't you just see them all glowing??